blackswanevent: (Kerry at Work.)
[personal profile] blackswanevent


I was asked about this on tumblr, "Is the Male Rights movement laughable, why or why not." And I wrote out a really sarcastic and snarky answer while trying to figure out how specifically I felt about it...and deleted it because I'm not an idiot and I wasn't entirely sure I made a lot of sense.

I'm asked to give opinions very rarely because nine times out of ten my opinions have tended to being wrong or unusual or mis-informed. For awhile this made me really angry because I felt like I had as much right to an opinion as everybody else, but then I looked up the facts and I realized They were right. There's a lot about humanity that sometimes some people just don't see so I adopted a new stance of "I don't know, educate me." because after one particular instance that sticks out in my memory I found a proverb that still sticks with me:

"You have two ears and one tongue, so you should use your ears twice as much."

Here however is a case where I'm asked to give an opinion. "Is the male rights movement laughable, why or why not." and to my detriment and shame I can't without diving into my own personal experience, limited though it may be and my own way of seeing the world without the facts to back it up. It is a question that encourages a lot of emotion because I'm a woman and the minority in this situation. So I'll try and be as succinct as I can, without diverging. If I do diverge, I apologize but my right to an opinion on this matter is as important as anyone being how it directly effects me. Especially in this election, and so.

The reasons are manifold. One, I'm not a boy. I may write for a lot of boys, I may (either do to weird sexual drive, an imbalance of hormones, or something else) feel particularly AWARE of males, but I'm not a boy and I don't have a lot of "guy friends." I'm biased to my own inexperience here. Men have a lot of power, men get the meatiest characters in writing and acting, and my attitude is something so big and so scary with so much power should be joined and accepted rather then fought against. However I think if I actually encountered any of the men I write about or for...they wouldn't give me the time of day or if they did I'd probably run screaming into the night. They're not nice people. They're powerful monsters who have been convinced of their own importance through a culture that pats powerful monsters on the head.

That's pretty childish thinking. I don't need to be taken care of, I don't need to accept a powerful monster. I'm a grown woman and while it's the hardest thing I've ever learned I'm learning how to take care of myself. There are also the words of those who have gone before me. Stories, terrible stories about men who abused this power, this trust put into them unintentionally, driven home biologically (I can't remember where I read it, but I recall reading that women were designed to take care of children and men designed to be physically stronger) and who became in the literal sense of the word animals. Real monsters instead of fictional ones who hurt people that I care about. Wow.

Yet I look at my writing and I ask myself why. I play a lot of misogynistic bastards. I find those characters interesting to read. Am I attracted to them biologically? Absolutely. And that's the inexperience. It's clear I want someone who will take charge since I was made to develop slowly. It does a disservice to most men since it seems like the large majority aren't hulking he men who want to drag women off into the bushes to make babies. This is the primary image that is put out of men on television. Why?

...Recognizing biological needs over logical needs however has to form my response. I know myself enough to know that I favor civilization over chaos in every respect. Biologically I may be dealing with floods of physical emotions that say I want a big hulking thing to take me away and do with me what it will, but logically The human race cannot succeed along those lines at all.

If you consider every single advancement ever made it has been when man set aside biological need and replaced it with reason and logic. I think, if the idea that this movement exists guys might still want this but it will never cease to be anything but a joke unless you change some of your motivations and step back and take a look at what you have, men. So take these words of advice.

Dear Males of the Human Species,

You guys have everything. You have it all, you are biologically conditioned to be stronger then women. That doesn't mean we won't try to catch up, but research tells me that men biologically have more muscle mass then women. How exactly is that fair? You don't have fatty deposits in awkward places. You don't have to buy extra underwear and be afraid of wearing it out in public. For four days out of the month you don't turn into hulking screaming frothing she-monsters. How is this fair?

There is such a thing as a biological clock, and yes it does tick and while men can be fertile forever apparently women can't. Ninety percent of the time listening to sexually active friends says that they want guys in their life it just doesn't define them all the time but still the need is there. How many plurks have I heard (and admittedly made) hearing from friends who grump, sigh, cross their arms and say "I just need to get fucking laid."

Biological conditioning puts you at the top which therefore gives you higher paying, more fast paced, more exciting jobs, roles in theater and books and movies, and generally life. Even if a woman were to do something awesome and amazing like being a lady cop or firefighter the risk for rape is still much higher then it is for guys and yet. How is that fair? Marni would have been an awesomely sexy terrifying Repo woman but instead of her it's Nathan. The biggest female role model for a good chunk of my childhood was a woman who was in love with an older man, in a basically abusive relationship and dreamed of dying so she could be with him forever. The biggest male role models are batman and superman. How in the everloving fuck is that fair?

...And yet, men get raped. And yet the comedian cries when confronted with something he can't understand, and yet guys post on their tumblrs about how alone and helpless they feel as men. I think it's those guys who gave women the powers that by rights they deserve to have that the Men's rights movements want to change back or at least make more fair which answers the question as far as I'm concerned.

Men. Is the men's rights movement a joke. No. Is it something viable that needs to be enacted. Not yet, nowhere near yet. possibly never. Sorry guys. You can't win them all.

I enjoy big hulking he men because the moments where they break down and show how human they are stimulate a sense of understanding for me. Suddenly something powerful is weak, something strong needs a moment or a tissue. We're suddenly equals and biological conditioning or not (and here comes the girl secret) That's what most women want to see. Perhaps that's what most women do see. I don't know, I can only call it on the details.

Men, if you want rights and you want to be considered more understanding the way to do this is simple. Step back and tend to your own garden. I will not quote the statistics at you, but there can be no emotional connection as long as you feel you have the power to act like douchebags. The term "dick" is used for a pretty big reason and that's what all of you seem to want to do with your nature-given powers is be dicks. The challenge of mating and finding a successful life partner is wearing through the dick-layers to find a person who will make you have those moments in real life instead of fictionally. Sadly however, there are a lot of guys who abuse these powers and honestly they do so at their peril.

I'd like to take a minute to quote Game of Thrones at you, "...I look at you and I see a child. And what's worse, a girl child. Very few of the many faced god's servants have been women, a woman brings the gift of life into the world. We bring the gift of death. No one should be able to do both."

The courage and the strength of women that I have seen says that biologically may not be the best way to look at things anymore. That the times they are a-changing. That the frustration you might feel when a woman beats you at anything may actually be fear because we came into our own. That physically you might be stronger, but mentally we have the edge and you know it. Every day the number of veterans that are women climbs, every day there are more women in professions dominated by men. We're having to become like you in order to get what we want and our biology when it comes to our children? Our biology is just as fierce and just as terrifying as yours.

So maybe it's time you became like us. Learned respect, learned how to be demure, learned how to say please and thank you and how to treat a woman gently just as we've been treating men since time began. Militant? Sure it's militant, but in a world where one man wants to take away every right that I have had since I was a little girl I hope you can forgive me when I say I want and I deserve justice. That I'll fight for it. Why would god (as this man says) give me independent thought and an identity if I were just going to be a helpmeet to a man?

What's that? You do say you do those things? The majority is against you rare male which is why my advice is still step back and tend to your own garden.

I don't deny that men have feelings which is why I honestly think that this could have merit if the majority of men weren't self-righteous douchebags forcing women into a physical standard and a mental standard of behavior. The sad thing is that is all we see and unless Romney is hung in a crow cage to die slowly that is all we will see. Step back, gentle men. Step back and say to your brothers "Hey bro. Let's not touch her inappropriately. Let's give the lady the lead in this play. Let's write dramatic stories about a mother protecting her children, let's stop if she's too drunk to see and she can't seem to string two words together. Yeah she does have a right to decide if she wants her baby or not because she's the one carrying it." I don't deny that men have a right to see their children, I don't deny that women aren't perfect and that sometimes placing a kid with a mother can end up like Norman Bates. I don't think these cases will be taken seriously until the majority of the male species stops abusing the rights of women.

I'm a big believer guys, that in one of these cases the stronger side has to give and admit that they are wrong. When I was living on the street I was caught in a riot where three homeless guys beat up one of the people bringing them food and the only thing that stopped it were the police being called. Two nights later a cop wrongly detained my friend who was keeping me safe on the street. People overwhelmingly suck is the message to take away but how do we fix it? The cop should have admitted he was wrong first so that people could have an example to follow. If you have power, you have the power to admit when you make a mistake and likewise if the person with power does so I feel it is the responsibility of the person without power to admit that they too are in the wrong. Otherwise this "Us versus them" will go on forever and no one wins. It's eye for an eye justice and if we can build spaceships and rockets and pyramids and domesticate animals and create systems of law out of nothing then we're so much better then that.

But it has to start with the most powerful group as recognized by the whole and until people start to see how badass it is to be able to carry a baby and shoot a guy in the head - I'm afraid men that it must be you. Make the changes. Once we cast Idris Elba as James Bond, let's cast Scarlett or someone else as "Jenny" or create a character that's equally as impressive. Let's keep up with those posters that teach boys how to say no. We women are beyond reasonable. We have years of practice at being patient. Believe me deep down the bigger and the manlier they are and the more full of feelings you might be the more likely it is that we will listen to those feelings, hold you close and have true partnership rather then just inequality and awkward sexual drives. You have a right to feel, none of us dispute that, but you have lost the right to impose these feelings on others and you have to earn it back. It will be hard, but if you can do it if you can reach for that sense of unity? Think of what we will accomplish.

The choice, dear, dear males.

Is entirely yours.

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And that is why that girl is called a tease.

April 2014

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