Roleplaying Status Post [The Great state of preparing for 2012]

[blackswanevent]

I was with a pretty steady game until October. We had some changes and some stuff happened and I haven't adjusted well.

If I would be honest with myself it has been extremely difficult and I've put up a brave front and just been like, "tra' la la" it will all sort itself out.

It hasn't. I've been getting madder and madder until now and I flipped out across plurk and Hiatus'd myself despite plots and people talking and trying to get me to talk to them because I figured what was the goddamn point?

It's like I'd completely forgotten how to roleplay to the point that with all of this stuff I woke up one morning, looked at livejournal and said "...Fuck all of this" and threw away a hobby I've been doing for a little less then a decade and that's seen me through...a lot.

Of course then I look back on this entire statement and I go "well I'm using this game as a surrogate for the sense of loss and displacement I feel in my own life and this is simply a microcosm of a larger problem.

The only thing that I can do to fix it is to not get angry about anything. Do I have a right to be mad at change? Do I have a right to rage against the machine, to stand against the tide and go "Stop Tide. Stop pushing forward, stop eroding the land because I want you to?" No. Do I have any right to be mad? Not really. Change is change and there's been a lot of discussion about changes that happen and things that go on.

I will share with you a great secret I have discovered-no that I have earned through years of existing. Misplaced anger solves absolutely nothing. Zero. Being angry over something like this does absolutely nothing for anyone. Life is going to fuck with you all the goddamn time. What's the point of bitching?

Someone once said that this generation-my generation is lazy. The more I think about it the more honestly I think it's right. Acknowledgement is half the battle and if we want to affect positive change then we need to do more then just make blogposts and be aggressive but that's just my opinion.

Honestly again, a microcosm of a greater problem. Do I still get angry, yeah, but I don't take it online anymore. Just like I don't take any of my feels online about this issue or anything. Happened. It's in the past, move on. (although it does feel good to write this) Which leads to the great state of preparing for 2012~)




Anyway, all of those things null and void. I quantified everything and arranged everything in wolvesinwalls along with mirrors spread across livejournal, dreamwidth, and insanejournal. I classified each character by hogwarts house, some decided by pre-discussion and some decided by actually doing the individual test for the character. Then the same with their daemons/patronuses/all of those little questions that will eventually turn up in a meme/memes.



I snagged believe_in_me which was the name I wanted for Harvey eons ago.

I also snagged lastmanstanding for Hoffman on dreamwidth which...given that it looks like TLV might move is just an awesome set of circumstance.

I don't know how long the great move is going to last or just what people are going to be doing, but I went ahead and made icons for a bunch of people who I've been wanting to play but never had the balls to.

pigpuppets - ...I have this burning desire to learn just what the kids after SAW were doing. While John and Amanda rarely used kids (even Hoffman) we still have Daniel Matthews, Alison Gordon, and Rex and Morgan's unnamed daughter played by Bousman's niece. How did it affect them?

wolvesinthewalls - I literally found a copy of "The Wolves in the Walls" by Neil Gaiman on the bus two days ago. I'm utterly in love with it (obviously) and Lucy...well, I want to try playing a kid character. Lucy is just playing neat.

Those are the two I'm most excited about but I have canon review to do for acatwithglasses, Icons and journalbuilding for outforbloodinvegas, and finding a place to play amongthedead.

As much as I'm tempted to let lastmanstanding by the wayside since he only seems to serve as everybody's angry bitch and I want to play him as more then that I doubt that I can. After over a year of work Hoffman deserves some kind of happy ending or some kind of continuation where he can...function somewhat healthy.

I think that about covers my roleplaying news and represents the big "This is what I am spending my hiatus doing" post. If I can maintain this kind of dedication throughout next year and the other things that I want to do then allowing my hobbies to serve as my feelings in microcosm shouldn't happen and we can all get on with our lives without listless Carolyn running around and slamming fingers in doors.