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blackswaneventOn the way to school today I was greeted by a very attractive young woman who was holding a stack of magazines. I didn't think anything of it beyond the usual human question of "who are you and why are you approaching me?" but I greeted her pleasantly if somewhat on my guard. When the magazines revealed themselves, copies of the publication "The watchtower", I was suddenly very conscious of the book I was reading. "The death Card" by ghost author (ghost writer? what's the protocol here?) Cade Merrill about things that I'm quite sure Jehovah's witnesses don't truck with. She asked what I was reading rather quickly and I tucked it aside embarrassed.
She thrust a copy of the watchtower into my hands and wanted to pass on more magazines to me. I politely declined, got on the bus, and flipped through it on the way to school-my copy of "The Death Card", a notable tome about witchcraft and death and general awesome nonsense.
The experience brought to mind religion for me, or at least my attitude and response to it. I gather that a lot of people might have strong feelings about these issues and I like to follow the general accepted notion of "whatever you do keep it to yourself." That's a principle I live my life by and one I learned from my parents. I do well with a cause, but I don't know if I have yet learned the fortitude to deal with a sacred cow of humanity.
You're probably wondering about "sacred cows."
When I was about 12 or 13 my mother on a quest to find out why I was overweight and odd smelling and generally exuded the air of an unloved hobo child took me to a holistic specialist who said I had ciliac disease. This means, I was allergic to wheat in addition to dairy products and he said that the insides of my intestines had become coated with a fine layer of powder rather then the healthy little worms that apparently live on the walls of our intestines.
This was all mystifying (and to this day I'm sure I got it wrong) but he said I needed to change my diet. I told him in no uncertain terms that trying to get me to stop eating fast food, bread, and cookies was a stupid idea and he should give up now rather then waste further effort. He accepted this with good humor. "Humanity," he said, "Has three sacred cows. Politics, Diet, and Religion."
That stuck with me. According to Wikipedia, The Harivamsha depicts Krishna as a cowherd. He is often described as Bala Gopala, "the child who protects the cows." Another of Krishna's names, Govinda, means "one who brings satisfaction to the cows." Other scriptures identify the cow as the "mother" of all civilization, its milk nurturing the population. The gift of a cow is applauded as the highest kind of gift.
The milk of a cow is believed to promote Sattvic (purifying) qualities. The ghee (clarified butter) from the milk of a cow is used in ceremonies and in preparing religious food. Cow dung is used as fertilizer, as a fuel and as a disinfectant in homes. Its urine is also used for religious rituals as well as medicinal purposes. The supreme purificatory material, panchagavya, was a mixture of five products of the cow, namely milk, curds, ghee, urine and dung. The interdiction of the meat of the bounteous cow as food was regarded as the first step to total vegetarianism.
Let me propose that christianity and Western religion also has it's sacred cows-the tenents of religion, the sacraments, the kabbalah, the torah, even "On the Origin of Species" (while fact) could also be considered a sacred cow that people may have to die to defend if the pundents have their way. People have died for them, people have fought for them, people debate them. There's nothing wrong with a sacred cow, sacred cows provide comfort in our hour of darkness. They provide anchors to cling to, they provide facts, they're symbols of us trying to understand how the world works.
The problem with sacred cows is that everybody wants to share theirs. They want conformation that their cow is the best cow. Their cow gives the most milk, gives the most meat, feeds their families. Their cow is the warmest, their cow is the kindest. They'll overlook any similarities to any other herd because their cattle, their cow is the best cow.
I was raised with a particular cow-that of "christianity". My father was an especially religious individual. I'm named after the wife of his childhood youth pastor. He volunteered at religious camps and the Y, and he insisted that I be baptized. My mother's cow, a special part of the herd called "Catholicism" had been a particularly violent beast and she wasn't in any hurry to renew her relationship with those particular goat herds. Lutheranism was nice, safe, and it ultimately stuck a big historical and religious finger in the direction of his holiness the pope of Rome.
I hated church. I sat in church and drew in all the booklets. I fell asleep kneeling at the altar. My grandmother-also religious-insisted on regular graces. When my parents divorced (thank goodness for protestants) my father married a woman who's brother had entered the episcopalian priesthood. Episcopalians are cooler to a point then protestants because it's got all the attractive trappings of Catholicism, the smells, the bells, the vestments, but none of the tithes or confession or any of the trimmings. Thank you Henry the Eighth and your desire to put sexual frustration at the forefront of the minds of the populace. It's thanks to you that I stopped being bored in church.
I spent a good part of my childhood active in my stepmother's church. I was an altar girl, I wore the robes, I carried the cross, I knelt. In one particularly memorable service I lit my hair on fire and ran screaming from the church to the bathroom where I promptly sobbed and refused to come out even after the priest himself had come to get me. I couldn't help it, Walter was a religious man. Christmas was a big deal to them. Their sacred cow was an attractive and docile offshoot of the Catholic Herd.
The thing was, I'm old enough and I've seen enough for the world to make some notations about religion. And before you think "Carolyn neither your age nor personal inclination should give you any background on religion" the fact is-you're wrong. I have been around the block; seen it and done it and lived on the benefactors that religion by nature provides.
Do I believe in God.
Yes.
I believe in the idea of God, the notion of a mystical presence in the universe. I think there's too much to disprove the notion that everything has been a happy accident. I think that if you look long and hard enough yeah you could find reasons to explain why people around the globe all came together to have one central story that mirrors a whole bunch of other ones. I think if you look hard enough you could de-construct all of the stories but I personally need the fufillment and the idea that in my darkest hour there is someone who I can talk to who will just listen.
I suppose that if I had to believe in God then I admit to taking the "Santa Claus" approach to it. My mother consoled me with the death of my santa cow by saying that Santa was "a nice idea that inspired others to do good and be nice to people." I suppose that I look at God or the notion of a god the same way. The idea that you can do good, say a few things and behave nicely to people and get presents isn't a new one.
For me, the idea of religion is one that when I close my eyes and I hurt inside, I don't have to talk to myself to sort out these problems. I don't have to roll my eyes and go "God I'm talking to myself." And in a more serious case I don't have to justify it as "a voice in my head". I don't hear voices, I don't believe I'm god, but I like to have a reason for talking aloud if I need to when I'm lonely or sad.
In reading this you have probably come to the conclusion "Dear God Carolyn is treating God as an imaginary friend." To which I respond with the following. There are feelings that we all have, thoughts that we all have, emotions that we all have that in our darkest hour can be dangerous to ourselves and others. I know better then anyone that expressing these kinds of thoughts to a health professional can sometimes be detrimental to your personal ambitions.
What harm is there in meditation and private spiritual reflection and in confessing thoughts like these to an ambivalent entity? And if that entity through some chance of fortune does exist, then you at least you're paving the way for your path to go in one direction or another.
The fact is, I call that entity "god" so I don't have to tell myself things I already know and because I honestly don't think I have enough wit to vary the tune. I spent 24 years calling he/she/it/Jesus/Allah/Buddha/Giant Space chicken "God" and that's probably the most time I've ever invested in anything apart from living.
To me, the expression of a bigger diety and a larger place in the world is a comforting thing, like a security blanket. I still have my security blanket. But I don't spend all day with Blankie. Someday he will go into my hope chest that my mother is keeping for me. He has a lot of memories attached to him, a lot of sad moments and a lot of happy snuggly ones but he's not forever.
My take on organized religion is expressed in the following. Apart from instances where I desire to share with you my viewpoint, I do not share personal details about my beliefs or my habits unless we have a pre-existing long standing relationship and I would never presume to force any of my beliefs or desires on others. My sacred cows are mine and I am proud of them and honestly I don't need to extoll their virtues to anyone to be proud of them. I can be persuaded to make changes but part of life is taking strides out into the herd and chosing your own beasts from the field.
You can desire to point people toward certain sections of the herd but to force someone in that direction, to shove literature into their hands for instance when they are trying to read is disrespectful. If anything the world must pursue education to provide people with the best cow-the best religion, the best politics, the best diet. Attempting to do otherwise contradicts the fundamental truth of religion and that is that at some point according to all of these books we fought and obtained free will and while that might not have been what individuals wanted, it was accepted.
I hold the notion that you can screw up and still be accepted, and still be forgiven in too high an esteem to want to spit on someone's forgiveness. To attempt to return to a state of previous existence seems too difficult. The sad fact of everything is that things change. That's something the first caveman learned and something that it seems people have forgotten. Seasons change, the landscape of the earth changes, the stars change.
Relationships change. To try and keep things the same go back after a big fuck up like eating of that tree the supposed creator of all the universe said "do not eat" is a serious problem. To those who want to try and return to it, who want to bow in supplication...he gave his only son because he accepted what we'd done. And if he loves us so much? He'll forgive us. The entire thing smacks of desperation.
However I will always pick up the material, give it a read through and as long as no one tries to force it down my throat-to attempt to get me to make changes by continuing to press the issue-I will listen. My sacred cows, my beliefs because that is what they are, say that that's a good idea.
As great and terrible men and women have said through out history have said "No one can take away my right to be educated." I will read and I will happily learn. And while god may not be happy about free will, he didn't come down with a big lightning bolt and say "THIS IS NOT OKAY" so I'll be over here thinking my own thoughts and take it as it comes. If you believe in him then you do him a disservice when you refuse to enjoy every pleasure that he put here for us-supposedly.
So, to the energetic Jehovah's Witness who passed me and shoved that book into my hands. I appreciate, acknowledge and honor your beliefs. I will listen to them, I will acknolwedge them.
I will not be comfortable with them, especially when you attempt to bully or belittle your way into my little corner of the herd of cows and say yours is "The best". I will continue to look for opportunities to educate myself and still promote "The Devil's Carnival" wear my Repo! the Genetic Opera T-shirt, like gory and terrible things, believe in silence and do general nonsense. My sacred cows are none of your business.
She thrust a copy of the watchtower into my hands and wanted to pass on more magazines to me. I politely declined, got on the bus, and flipped through it on the way to school-my copy of "The Death Card", a notable tome about witchcraft and death and general awesome nonsense.
The experience brought to mind religion for me, or at least my attitude and response to it. I gather that a lot of people might have strong feelings about these issues and I like to follow the general accepted notion of "whatever you do keep it to yourself." That's a principle I live my life by and one I learned from my parents. I do well with a cause, but I don't know if I have yet learned the fortitude to deal with a sacred cow of humanity.
You're probably wondering about "sacred cows."
When I was about 12 or 13 my mother on a quest to find out why I was overweight and odd smelling and generally exuded the air of an unloved hobo child took me to a holistic specialist who said I had ciliac disease. This means, I was allergic to wheat in addition to dairy products and he said that the insides of my intestines had become coated with a fine layer of powder rather then the healthy little worms that apparently live on the walls of our intestines.
This was all mystifying (and to this day I'm sure I got it wrong) but he said I needed to change my diet. I told him in no uncertain terms that trying to get me to stop eating fast food, bread, and cookies was a stupid idea and he should give up now rather then waste further effort. He accepted this with good humor. "Humanity," he said, "Has three sacred cows. Politics, Diet, and Religion."
That stuck with me. According to Wikipedia, The Harivamsha depicts Krishna as a cowherd. He is often described as Bala Gopala, "the child who protects the cows." Another of Krishna's names, Govinda, means "one who brings satisfaction to the cows." Other scriptures identify the cow as the "mother" of all civilization, its milk nurturing the population. The gift of a cow is applauded as the highest kind of gift.
The milk of a cow is believed to promote Sattvic (purifying) qualities. The ghee (clarified butter) from the milk of a cow is used in ceremonies and in preparing religious food. Cow dung is used as fertilizer, as a fuel and as a disinfectant in homes. Its urine is also used for religious rituals as well as medicinal purposes. The supreme purificatory material, panchagavya, was a mixture of five products of the cow, namely milk, curds, ghee, urine and dung. The interdiction of the meat of the bounteous cow as food was regarded as the first step to total vegetarianism.
Let me propose that christianity and Western religion also has it's sacred cows-the tenents of religion, the sacraments, the kabbalah, the torah, even "On the Origin of Species" (while fact) could also be considered a sacred cow that people may have to die to defend if the pundents have their way. People have died for them, people have fought for them, people debate them. There's nothing wrong with a sacred cow, sacred cows provide comfort in our hour of darkness. They provide anchors to cling to, they provide facts, they're symbols of us trying to understand how the world works.
The problem with sacred cows is that everybody wants to share theirs. They want conformation that their cow is the best cow. Their cow gives the most milk, gives the most meat, feeds their families. Their cow is the warmest, their cow is the kindest. They'll overlook any similarities to any other herd because their cattle, their cow is the best cow.
I was raised with a particular cow-that of "christianity". My father was an especially religious individual. I'm named after the wife of his childhood youth pastor. He volunteered at religious camps and the Y, and he insisted that I be baptized. My mother's cow, a special part of the herd called "Catholicism" had been a particularly violent beast and she wasn't in any hurry to renew her relationship with those particular goat herds. Lutheranism was nice, safe, and it ultimately stuck a big historical and religious finger in the direction of his holiness the pope of Rome.
I hated church. I sat in church and drew in all the booklets. I fell asleep kneeling at the altar. My grandmother-also religious-insisted on regular graces. When my parents divorced (thank goodness for protestants) my father married a woman who's brother had entered the episcopalian priesthood. Episcopalians are cooler to a point then protestants because it's got all the attractive trappings of Catholicism, the smells, the bells, the vestments, but none of the tithes or confession or any of the trimmings. Thank you Henry the Eighth and your desire to put sexual frustration at the forefront of the minds of the populace. It's thanks to you that I stopped being bored in church.
I spent a good part of my childhood active in my stepmother's church. I was an altar girl, I wore the robes, I carried the cross, I knelt. In one particularly memorable service I lit my hair on fire and ran screaming from the church to the bathroom where I promptly sobbed and refused to come out even after the priest himself had come to get me. I couldn't help it, Walter was a religious man. Christmas was a big deal to them. Their sacred cow was an attractive and docile offshoot of the Catholic Herd.
The thing was, I'm old enough and I've seen enough for the world to make some notations about religion. And before you think "Carolyn neither your age nor personal inclination should give you any background on religion" the fact is-you're wrong. I have been around the block; seen it and done it and lived on the benefactors that religion by nature provides.
Do I believe in God.
Yes.
I believe in the idea of God, the notion of a mystical presence in the universe. I think there's too much to disprove the notion that everything has been a happy accident. I think that if you look long and hard enough yeah you could find reasons to explain why people around the globe all came together to have one central story that mirrors a whole bunch of other ones. I think if you look hard enough you could de-construct all of the stories but I personally need the fufillment and the idea that in my darkest hour there is someone who I can talk to who will just listen.
I suppose that if I had to believe in God then I admit to taking the "Santa Claus" approach to it. My mother consoled me with the death of my santa cow by saying that Santa was "a nice idea that inspired others to do good and be nice to people." I suppose that I look at God or the notion of a god the same way. The idea that you can do good, say a few things and behave nicely to people and get presents isn't a new one.
For me, the idea of religion is one that when I close my eyes and I hurt inside, I don't have to talk to myself to sort out these problems. I don't have to roll my eyes and go "God I'm talking to myself." And in a more serious case I don't have to justify it as "a voice in my head". I don't hear voices, I don't believe I'm god, but I like to have a reason for talking aloud if I need to when I'm lonely or sad.
In reading this you have probably come to the conclusion "Dear God Carolyn is treating God as an imaginary friend." To which I respond with the following. There are feelings that we all have, thoughts that we all have, emotions that we all have that in our darkest hour can be dangerous to ourselves and others. I know better then anyone that expressing these kinds of thoughts to a health professional can sometimes be detrimental to your personal ambitions.
What harm is there in meditation and private spiritual reflection and in confessing thoughts like these to an ambivalent entity? And if that entity through some chance of fortune does exist, then you at least you're paving the way for your path to go in one direction or another.
The fact is, I call that entity "god" so I don't have to tell myself things I already know and because I honestly don't think I have enough wit to vary the tune. I spent 24 years calling he/she/it/Jesus/Allah/Buddha/Giant Space chicken "God" and that's probably the most time I've ever invested in anything apart from living.
To me, the expression of a bigger diety and a larger place in the world is a comforting thing, like a security blanket. I still have my security blanket. But I don't spend all day with Blankie. Someday he will go into my hope chest that my mother is keeping for me. He has a lot of memories attached to him, a lot of sad moments and a lot of happy snuggly ones but he's not forever.
My take on organized religion is expressed in the following. Apart from instances where I desire to share with you my viewpoint, I do not share personal details about my beliefs or my habits unless we have a pre-existing long standing relationship and I would never presume to force any of my beliefs or desires on others. My sacred cows are mine and I am proud of them and honestly I don't need to extoll their virtues to anyone to be proud of them. I can be persuaded to make changes but part of life is taking strides out into the herd and chosing your own beasts from the field.
You can desire to point people toward certain sections of the herd but to force someone in that direction, to shove literature into their hands for instance when they are trying to read is disrespectful. If anything the world must pursue education to provide people with the best cow-the best religion, the best politics, the best diet. Attempting to do otherwise contradicts the fundamental truth of religion and that is that at some point according to all of these books we fought and obtained free will and while that might not have been what individuals wanted, it was accepted.
I hold the notion that you can screw up and still be accepted, and still be forgiven in too high an esteem to want to spit on someone's forgiveness. To attempt to return to a state of previous existence seems too difficult. The sad fact of everything is that things change. That's something the first caveman learned and something that it seems people have forgotten. Seasons change, the landscape of the earth changes, the stars change.
Relationships change. To try and keep things the same go back after a big fuck up like eating of that tree the supposed creator of all the universe said "do not eat" is a serious problem. To those who want to try and return to it, who want to bow in supplication...he gave his only son because he accepted what we'd done. And if he loves us so much? He'll forgive us. The entire thing smacks of desperation.
However I will always pick up the material, give it a read through and as long as no one tries to force it down my throat-to attempt to get me to make changes by continuing to press the issue-I will listen. My sacred cows, my beliefs because that is what they are, say that that's a good idea.
As great and terrible men and women have said through out history have said "No one can take away my right to be educated." I will read and I will happily learn. And while god may not be happy about free will, he didn't come down with a big lightning bolt and say "THIS IS NOT OKAY" so I'll be over here thinking my own thoughts and take it as it comes. If you believe in him then you do him a disservice when you refuse to enjoy every pleasure that he put here for us-supposedly.
So, to the energetic Jehovah's Witness who passed me and shoved that book into my hands. I appreciate, acknowledge and honor your beliefs. I will listen to them, I will acknolwedge them.
I will not be comfortable with them, especially when you attempt to bully or belittle your way into my little corner of the herd of cows and say yours is "The best". I will continue to look for opportunities to educate myself and still promote "The Devil's Carnival" wear my Repo! the Genetic Opera T-shirt, like gory and terrible things, believe in silence and do general nonsense. My sacred cows are none of your business.
